I’m a year old! Archie Harrison’s Diary
From the diary of Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor
Well, here I am one year old! My God! Mummy was right – how quickly the years pass! That’s how you turn around, and life has passed. Summing up my life, I can say that I have worked well and productively during this time, namely:
- I have mastered five lexical units ( mostly their pronunciation is similar to the phonetic segments “mom” and “dad”, but mom says that next year I expect a significant qualitative leap in this sense
- I almost managed to walk upright (until I realized what it was for-it’s much easier to crawl-daddy agrees with me almost every night)
- I have learned to be persuasive (I have learned that when someone says “no” to you, you just need to ask louder – then they immediately answer ” Yes»)
- I learned to recognize grandmothers – one is named Dora and she often sits in TV, and sometimes even fits into my mother’s iPhone-I wish I could learn this.
The other one is called Her Majesty – she has nice white hair, and she promised to give me a railroad. Wow! Daddy says it’s just like mine in the game room, but bigger. And you can put a lot of real people in there. I can’t wait! But mommy looks at daddy sternly. Just like when we race in the evening.
Mom and dad say I’m going to have a very busy day. I’ll get a call from both my grandmothers and all my cousins! The second is particularly interesting. I should ask my mom if they can get out of the screen to play with me.
Yesterday, mom and dad thought I was asleep, but I was awake and listening. My mother said that she would make a magic cake for me, that it would be incredibly organic and deliciously unsweetened.
I don’t know if I should be happy about it. So far, everything that mom cooks doesn’t taste very good. But she will learn, I believe – she always talks about the need for personal growth. I’ll have to ask if cooking is part of her personal improvement plan.
My mother also said that she would advise everyone who wants to congratulate me to donate gifts to charity funds.
Seriously? I wonder if she really expected to please me with this bulshit? (Oh, dad says you can only say that word when mom isn’t listening.)
My dad and I also like to fart loudly and laugh – my mom says she doesn’t understand the meaning of such fun.
Yesterday my mother tormented me half the night about whether I wanted a brother or a sister. I don’t need anyone! I already have my own personal cousins – I just need to figure out how to get them out of my phone.
By the way, dad was on shaky ground yesterday-he said that he didn’t like being the unemployed husband of a Hollywood actress, and he was thinking about returning to the… London? London? I didn’t know where, but my mother said: “Careful, Harry, you’re treading on shaky ground!”
My mom has this thing in the gym that looks like a ball cut in half. It is very difficult to even sit on it, let alone stand – could this be London with shaky ground?
And why does daddy want to come back so often?
It must be very dangerous, because mom immediately blinked her eyelashes and shouted “you Can leave, but Archie and I will stay in America”!
I don’t know, … you could have asked me-personally, I like to swing on shaky ground and fall with my dad – it’s so much fun!
And mummy asked daddy not to upset her now, before the book was published. Don’t debunk the myth, she said – we have a lot of work to do, already “Finding Freedom: Harry, Meghan, and the Making of a Modern Royal Family” is leading pre-orders on Amazon. I don’t know, I didn’t understand anything about that.
Well, grandma Dora has already called! She said she would send me all the presents by courier. And my mother said that soon this grandmother will live with us, and they are very happy about it.
However, my father saw something on the ceiling at the same time-he was looking up all the time while my mother was telling me this happy news. I looked too, but there was nothing there, really.
I said that if grandma Dora will be able to get out of the phone, is it possible to change it to my cousins? I think I’ll have a lot more fun this way. Then dad laughed, and mom stared at something on the ceiling. They must have excellent eyesight, because I couldn’t see anything.
All right, I’ll go to the pool. Mom and dad promised that my next birthdays would be incomparably more fun. I Think I’m becoming a philosopher.
I look forward to the evening-dad has already drunk some magic water – that’s great, soon we will be crawling on all fours again – what could be better for the first birthday?! “
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